Scepticism and Devotion

We manage our lifestyles, we manage our money. We make decisions, as best we can, about what will be wisest for ourselves. So I choose to manage my spiritual life, to make decisions about what will be healthy for me and what will hinder me.

Having sat in a posture of doubt and cynicism for some time, I realize on reflection it’s time to manage that. Not that there’s anything wrong with doubt and cynicism, it can lead to depths that mere paddlers in the pool of life never know. But it can also be a carcinogen of the soul, and the wise person knows when it’s time for rest and treatment. So for a time I am choosing to read ‘conservative’ theology and traditional devotional books. Some of it irritates the hell out of me. But if I am wise enough to leave aside my pride, I can feed my heart on it, gain peace and learn from others both simpler and wiser than myself.

Often what I need most is not knowledge, a currency I am comfortable with and the shrine of the sceptic. What I need most is peace. If g0d is omniscient, then knowledge is an end in itself, and we image g0d by seeking truth. But it’s not the only end in itself. If g0d is love, then we are g0dlike when we love. We are made to become like g0d, and we need all of g0d’s attributes to be fully integrated beings.

When I am apart from my girlfriend I am happy knowing she exists. I crave information about her life, what she’s up to. But what satisfies me is not knowledge, but actual experience of my beloved; hearing her tell me she loves me over the telephone line. Just being in her presence, even at the remove of distance is heartfilling. This is simple devotion. Which, like all the real secrets of the universe, is anything but simple.



(i wrote this a couple of months ago)



listening to The Damned | New Rose